Last Friday after work, I went into my local supermarket to buy bare essentials, like...beer. Every Friday since the last 13 years I have been carded/ID'ed at this very store. Last Friday, not only was I not carded/ID'ed, but asked if I was a 'Senior'? I replied "a Senior what"? She said "citizen". Took every ounce of energy I had not to climb over that counter! (I just learned that Fridays are Senior Citizen discount days).
I went home, look in the mirror. Grey hair on my head and a gut to be shameful of. How quickly it does creep up on you.
PS: I have been recieving letters from the AARP, but have been trashing them. Maybe now I should open them and join the 'blue haired club'?
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25 comments:
Ric, Nothing to be ashamed of. You bought and paid for that beer gut. I tell people it's the only thing I don't owe money on.
Your so right again Mat!
Oh and you have to be 50 to join AARP and if I'm not mistaken you still have a few years to go kid.Ha.
I know! But they still keep sending me the stuff!
Ric, remember, the fat cells that cover the male abdomen is denser than that of the rest of the body. It is thought to be so that a man in battle would have a natrual defence to a frontal attack. So wear it proudly.
Oh and dont forget you are an old fart, ha
Oh, and for you mister dementia, what does the title mean "i creeps up on fast!"
Ric, it creeps me out that you creeps up on me fast.
I know Ric! the nerve! I'm not even 50 yet.
Hey DRL, You think that Ric creeping up on you would freak you out, try creeping up on Ric with a hot dog hanging out your pants! hahahaha oww now my side hurts.
Oh man Mat, that was spooky! Thats when we all went camping on the Sparks little private beach. The memories!
DRL, its fun to creep up on people when the least expect it!
Yea Ric, I just creeped up on Desi and dropped her an email. Do you talk to her often? I sure would like to see her again.
Mat, no where near as often as I would like to see her! We only live 5 1/2 hours drive from Desi, but between mine and my wifes schedules (Teresa tutors on Sundays) its difficult for us to get up to Maine. Was hoping she would make it to Vegas too, but understandably being the Paster that she is, it's probably difficult for her to leave the congregation. Hope she gets back to you via the e-mail!
The-age-#-is-really-just-a-#.I-keep-telling-myself-that-over-and-over:)Ric,don't-creep-up-on-people:)
I can't help it Joanna, I just seem to do it all the time...'Creeping up on people' that is. :)
The old man beer gut thing, well, you gotta look to the East to get that dialed in....
Buddha belly
I got a Buddhu belly
It's nice and round
Makes a big slappin' sound
When I rub it I found
Bringin' luck all of town
With my buddha belly
Buddha buddha buddha belly
Here's a demo I did in my basement...not my best...
http://www.fastjimmy.com/music/buddha_belly.mp3
The lyrics were written on a napkin at the Mt. Tabor Theatre while I was running the open mic back in ancient history. The music was written on the stage with my fellow open mic jammers, this being the genesis of Fast Jimmy's Jam. It's become something of a Fast Jimmy's Jam anthem, to the point when I start losing weight it's as if Santa Claus has gone on a diet :) LOL :)
Here's the deal, I was easily 10 to 15 years older than the folks at this open mic when we jammed up this tune, being more Gen-X in my work clothes from my day job at Mentor Graphics than these tie dye hippie wannabes on Hawthorne Street. I would slam down 3 pints of Red Hook Espresso Stout, strap on my Mexican Strat, switch on my Fender Super 60 amp, and stomp on my Ibanez Tube Screamer and Cry Baby Wah pedals. Gen-X...give me a freakin' break, I'll see your Nirvana, your Pearl Jam, your Soundgarden and trump all that with one Mr. Jimi Hendirx, two cards, two cards only...Purple Haze and Foxy Lady. Whenever a Gen-X'r thought they new shit, I cut their head off with two cards, Purple Haze and Foxy Lady. And as they lie bleading on the stage, I would play Little Wing...note for note. Well, after 3 Espresso Stouts, you're pretty much looking good, bullet proof, and able to fly simply by flapping your arms :) LOL :)
So, you know, doing Buddha Belly was a good alternative, as far as keeping the testosterone under control. The owner of the Mt. Tabor found the Gen-Xers bought more beer when we did this than when I tried to kill somebody with Jimi Hendrix music. Well, that's how I read between the lines of his comments to me. Something a long the lines of "I love your Hendrix, but people think you're trying to start WW III." :) LOL :) Hey, man, they had no idea. I never play Jimi's Machine Gun in public. I know better....I don't want to go to jail....just kidding, man, you know I'm joking...not really, well, kind of,...mostly, well, you see my parole officer told me...never mind...:)
Here's some info on the places referenced. Take care, Jimmy
Mt. Tabor Teater:
http://www.mttaborlegacy.com
Hawthorne Street:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hawthorne,_Portland,_Oregon
I love the creeping up on people thing, just make shure you leave your weener in you pants, ha. Unless Pat's poka dots are involved, oh yea.
Jimmy, that is funny. I have called mine the "Budda Belly". I still tell my wife to rub the budda belly and she will get lucky, go figure, ha.
We call my son Chris "creepy crawlie" because when everybodies sleeping at night he raids the kitchen and frig and doesn't leave a trace. My wife calls him the "nesami". Japanese for mouse.
drl, thanks for the line, I've never tried that one. I'll give it a shot and let you know how it turns out. I doubt it will have much luck, my wife is pretty much impervious to any line I can come up with. After 24 years, she's heard it all. But she hasn't heard this one :)
Jimmy
Jimmy, first of all I too have been married now for 23 years, the one that always works is, "you have to sleep sometime". Second of all, you think you have tried every line on her, but there is always some other guy out there to help you out. That is what we are out ther for. I bet us guy's can fill up the blog with helpful lines that we havent heard yet. ha
drl, love your 1st and 2nd of all. Truth is, I've never been in the game. I was too much of a chicken in high school and college. My wife robbed the cradle, so to speak, and I've never had any interest in other woman since. I've been propositioned a few times. They were pretty offended when I laughed in their face saying they were an ant standing next to Mt. Everest, that's how mighty my wife Paula is to me. If I win the Oregon Lottery I might have to give it back, seems a little unfair to of won the big prize twice in a life time, that's how I feel about Paula having chosen me to be the one she wants to spend her life with.
Quick, someone get me off this Hallmark Channel moment, I'm gonna make myself projectile vomit all over my laptop :) LOL :)
Take care y'all, have a good one in Vegas, make them light weights blush :)
Jimmy
All this creeping up stuff is weird..but in a good way, I think
damm, its 6am and I'm outta smokes. I guess its time to quit.
oops, I must have put something in that was said wrong on my side. I ment if you needed some new line for you wife, not for picking up on girls. As I have said, I have been married for 23 years, I may make jokes, but I am a halmark moment kinda guy when it comes to Jill. I am sure all of us have some little individual thing that is exclusive to our spouse (mine and jills is "IWUVOO", I have said that since we have been married). I still use every line on her I can think of, (rubbing the budda belly is still one of my favorites), but I would never condone cheating.
Pat, that was in reference to Mat's comment about sneeking up on Ric with an "oscer myer weener" hanging out of his pants.
You 2 guys are making me tear all up now, 'cause I too am a Hallmark guy when it comes to my wife Teresita!
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